diving deeper and deeper.....

today, I did not sleep.

the first few days , it was very high

and now, more and more,

with my tiredness and the warm air here in Tokyo

and the loneliness and to get the powerful energy of my son for all day as a only one adult in this tiny little house ( his school will start next month),

I feel some strong heaviness is putting me down,

low mood

low power

no hope

no dream

to the darkness

deep deep down...

I am scared to become depressed and not get out again.

I have that often after my visit in Israel.

What is this?

I have to know more about it.

I want to know more about it.

but don't worry, I am OK.

I know this part inside me.

It is not new, this up and down.

And with process work, I learned to serve the wave of my mood.

I know meditation, that helps me also in difficult times.

It is like the relationship between the ocean and the moon.

I know, it has some clear regular rules there,

but I can not understand it clearly, but I know it and I feel it.

The same feeling with my up and down.

I know, there would be some tendency and some timings

and I understand it more and more,

but still, I just know and I just feel it.

The most dangerous key is to feel isolated.

and lose the hope.

I think, it is not just in my case???

So, I remember the power from the Arab people in Palestine.

In every situation, they said

" no problem"

and find some other way.

The power, the energy, the belive and the strong wish to reach something.

It was amazing.....

How can they????

I saw many connection with the family, with the community, with friends, and with the GOD (ALLAH).

Relationship and connection with the other, and the big connection with something spiritual.

Good to know...

Depends on where you are focused and where you are standing, the view is different.

If I feel very down,

I know I can see just very close to me, and there is no distance.

When I see myself from a distance, or from a different level, different time frame....my scared feeling change a little.

and also, I think, it is for me now important to go deeper and deeper....

what is happening to you is every time with some deep meaning.

every happenings are necessary for your life.

just few moments, few days, few years after, if you see back, you can see it and understand, why it is happening to you.

I know this magic.

Yes, I know.

And the most important awareness for a German culture part in my is taking the thing too seriously....

remember it, remember it.....

"live is too important to be taken seriously",

told my master OSHO.