being in a familiar space

Since I am back in Japan,

I am trying to keep the connection with the people around the world.

It is nice to stay in touch with my friends in different part of the earth.

Also to speak/ write English, German, Swiss-German next to Japanese is a very balanced feeling for me as a third culture kid.

Today, I went to buy some food.

The fridge was empty.

I went with my car to a depo-shop from a very strict co-op and bought there vegetable and some meat for my son ( I am 98% vegetarian).

After that, I went to buy in a usual supermarket some products what I know there is not so much differences and you can get there cheaper.

Than, I went to a Tofu shop, a little old shop owned from a old Japanese man (her wife died last year...so sad) and bought his delicious Tofu with Japanese Basile in it.

This is a speciality from this shop and I love it.

The Japanese Tofu is generally very delicious, but THIS tofu-shop is the best. Also many Japanese is fan from this little shop.

After my walk with my son,

I cooked dinner in my tiny little apartment.

Tofu, and cold Chinese noodles with lots of veggies.

It is nice to have my own car and go around to the shop where you know the quality and who is the product or.

Being in a familiar space,

to know how it works,

you just know it, because you are living here,

it is a comfortable sense.

It is not about love/ hate, or good/ bad,

it is just comfortable.

If I write, "familiar sense",

I remember my body feeling when I was in Switzerland 3 weeks ago.

My mind and my emotion was more tense.

I was nervous. I felt some part in me is very tight and my heart was closed at first.

No wonder, how can I be relaxed to be in a traumatized country, to meet my ex-partner (son's father) and my mom who I also have difficulties to meet???

BUT

I was also aware,

that my body was relaxed.

Come out from a space less, clouded, busy city,

come out from the crazy humid and hot summer in Japan,

my body was very happy to be in Switzerland.

My body knew, remembered how it feels like to be in Switzerland in summer.

If my body could speak, it will say:

"Finally back to the place where I feel familiar to!"

I had to admit, that I know

one part in me was happy that I was back in Switzerland,

and this part in me was not go away from this place of the world. And it is missing here.

The huge place, the dry air, the beautiful view and the clean city.

But, my heart is saying no to it.

My mind is also against it.

I will miss my Tofu,

I will miss my silent what it sometimes lonely in the big city,

I will miss the lovely way

how the teachers are in my son's school

( it is a private school, not a typical Japanese one)

I will miss the view how the people here are for their own.

Yes, I love the silent part what the Japanese people carry inside each of them.

So during this writing, I found out, I have some conflict between one part of my body and my other part?

Missing every time something from the other culture.

I am not looking for a Utopia place to live.

It is just painful, to feel my separation.

Specially, because it is a body feeling based experience.

My body remember the comfortable sense and even after more than 15 years living in Japan,

my body is still missing the Swiss climate.

To know the comfortable feeling, that I can miss it,

it is already a privilege.

To feel it, to be able to explain it, to reach and get it,

this is my rank (power).

Through my touching therapy,

I met so many people who does not know about that feeling.

Who even are not connected with the feeling and their emotions and has no idea what is going on in them self.

So many peoples connection between their mind and the body and their soul are broken.

BUT,

just broken.

It is there. They are connected.

The people's body knows, just, they are not aware of it.

And there are so many people who can not be and stay in their familiar land.

Me ether, even I wish to stay in Switzerland, I lost my long term visa and I have like the other the tourist visa.

Even, when I grow up there and my main part is very Swiss...

Who is making this decision and who has the right to say yes and no to the other,

that you can stay or that they has to go?

I feel some anger about it.

My anger is deep and very slow and silent.

being in a familiar space, is a "rank".

be able to feel it , is also a "rank".

how can I share my rank with the other?

Tokyo, 3am in the morning

still jedleged and my body is living the Israeli time....

....maybe still the Swiss time????